The first thing I feel when I write the word is calm, safe. No, I am no longer afraid of the darkness.
Dark night of the soul – major clinical depression for me several times in my life. Struggling, grasping to function within my darkness, in a functioning world. Barely holding down my job. Working shifts, no social life, isolated, grief, feeling lost. That was my darkness. For a very long time.
As a small child I was terrified of the darkness. I needed the light left on in the hallway and my bedroom door left open. Night terrors, being lost or captured in the astral worlds. In that darkness I saw ghostly people floating through my room. I heard voices whispering, voices I couldn't see in the darkness. I hid under the covers. Hands touched me when nobody was there. Fear in the darkness.
As an adult I look forward to night, as soon as darkness comes I feel instantly calmer, wrapped in the safe see of darkness. I guess that began as a break from the world I was dealing with. People with heavy energy. Now if I leave a light on at night I’m usually plagued by dreams that are frantic, unexplainable. I need my darkness. In the warmer months I'll get up for a cup of tea often around 3am and sit outside in my dressing gown. I watch the stars and I soak it in, the cleansing black darkness. My happy place. The Maori call this time of the spirit. It's the time I find easiest to talk to spirit, just for me and maybe the cats that sit out there with me.