Darkness

The first thing I feel when I write the word is calm, safe.  No, I am no longer afraid of the darkness. 
Dark night of the soul – major clinical depression for me several times in my life.  Struggling, grasping to function within my darkness, in a functioning world. Barely holding down my job.  Working shifts, no social life, isolated, grief, feeling lost.  That was my darkness.  For a very long time. 

As a small child I was terrified of the darkness.  I needed the light left on in the hallway and my bedroom door left open.  Night terrors, being lost or captured in the astral worlds.  In that darkness I saw ghostly people floating through my room.  I heard voices whispering, voices I couldn't see in the darkness. I hid under the covers.  Hands touched me when nobody was there.  Fear in the darkness.

As an adult I look forward to night, as soon as darkness comes I feel instantly calmer, wrapped in the safe see of darkness. I guess that began as a break from the world I was dealing with. People with heavy energy.  Now if I leave a light on at night I’m usually plagued by dreams that are frantic, unexplainable.  I need my darkness.  In the warmer months I'll get up for a cup of tea often around 3am and sit outside in my dressing gown. I watch the stars and I soak it in, the cleansing black darkness.  My happy place.  The Maori call this time of the spirit.  It's the time I find easiest to talk to spirit, just for me and maybe the cats that sit out there with me.


Kind regards
Penny Taylor
 

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